Fuck the idea that you can’t engage in sex acts with abstract concepts.
Knowing you never had a chance is better than knowing you had a chance and you blew it
every fall teenage girls are like.. “oh , im gonna enter a place of business and order a product which is offered by that place of business because i like the flavor of it” and honestly? how dare they. that’s so annoying. why can’t they buy the beverage that i, a smart man, would prefer to drink
szechuan sauce frappe bc the cartoon science man like it
I’m WHEEZING
hey here’s a fact for all of my followers who follow me. butter, ice cream, milk, and cheese all come to us from the same animal. i cant remember which animal it is right now but i know for sure its the same one
Ill give you a hint, it moos
thanks yeah it’s the moose
Fender Custom Shop Masterbuilt Retro Paisley Floral Decor Telecaster
[Source: Willcutt Guitars. Price: £5,008/$7,100]
when vampires fuck up they just pretend to be dead for a century and honestly, power move
waiter: enjoy your meal
me: you too!
me: …
me: *sleeps until everyone i know is dead*
Okay but like I work as a waitress and this is actually a pleasant thing to hear, i’m eating eventually, thank you for wanting me to enjoy my meal too
this changes everything


